


Another Way - JohnDave

by Kapdixo



Series: Playing it Down 'verse [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-17 22:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13668648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kapdixo/pseuds/Kapdixo
Summary: Trigger warning: Abuse.What if Dave wasn't killed by his brother, instead being rescued by John?Spinoff of Playing it Down.





	1. Prologue

**Trigger warning: Abuse.**

"Oh, hello Dave." John's dad opened the door. "Did John fall asleep?"

"Yeah, here you go." Dave handed him over. "We went to see some stuff, I guess it wore him out."

"Yes, I see." "He was silent for a moment. "You know, I can't think of anyone better than you dating my son."

"How'd you know?!" he squawked.

"I didn't, but now I do." His dad shot him a sly smile before shutting the door.

"Ugh, Egberts." Dave suddenly opened the door. "Tell him I love and miss him!" He took a deep breath, then headed home. There'd be hell to pay.

"Where were you?" Dirk asked evenly as he slipped into the apartment.

"On a date," he replied truthfully.

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow. "I'm proud, little man. What's her name?"

"John."

"What?"

"It was John. We went to Strawberry Fields, and we kissed a little bit." Dave leaned against the wall. "I like him a lot."

"I thought I told you not to be with boys anymore. I didn't raise a faggot." Dirk tapped his katana against the floor.

"It's who I am, Bro. I can't change." He tried to brace himself.

"And you came home late," he continued. "Alright, on your knees so I can beat the shit out of you."

"I don't take orders from you," Dave growled.

"You little shit." Dirk punched him in the stomach, causing him to hit the wall. "You will listen to me!"

"Fuck off, you monster." He hissed in pain as the katana cut into his arm. "Son of a bitch!"

"You're more of one," he spat. "Nobody likes you. You're so fucking worthless, they just feel sorry for you. But they shouldn't, you're too low to be pitied. Like a worm." He grabbed him by the wrist, no doubt leaving finger-shaped bruises.

"Put. Me. Down." Dave was able to kick him in the crotch and run to his room. He'd be safe for a bit, but how long? He pushed his dresser up against the door.

"Open up!" Dirk kicked the door, but it wouldn't budge. "Fine. You gotta come out sometime, brat." He left with a grumble.

"Fuck." He looked down at his leg. Probably would scar. He ripped one of his shirts to hold against the wound.

Then his computer went off.

"Huh?" Dave sat up, looking at his computer. Pesterchum.

EB: hi, dave!   
TG: sup   
EB: sorry for falling asleep. how are you?   
TG: never better   
EB: hey, i got a question.   
EB: can we do that again sometime? strawberry fields was great!   
TG: you wanna go back   
EB: yeah! I mean, if you're up to it!   
TG: yeah id like that a lot   
EB: great! i gotta go now, bye! i love you!

He stepped away from the computer. Maybe he should've asked for help.

No, only the weak would do such a thing.

But how much longer could he take it?

TG: WAIT   
EB: hm?   
TG:   
TG: never mind   
EB: alright, see you tomorrow!

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 20:25 --**

Dave tried to control his breathing, but it wasn't working. He began to hyperventilate, then go into a panic attack. "H-h-help m-me," he whispered. "Someone...someone help me." He sat up. "Help me...HELP ME!"


	2. Rescue Mission

"That was weird." John scratched his head. "I hope he's okay." He jumped as the notification sound went off. "What's this?"

TG: HELP ME

"Fuck!" he cursed.

EB: i don't know what's wrong, but i'm on my way!

"DAD!" John shouted. "GET THE CAR!"

"What?" John's dad poked his head in. "Why?"

"It's Dave! Something's wrong, I don't know what! We gotta go, now!" He grinned at the single nod he received. "Let's go!"

"On it!" He scooped him up and sprinted to the car. "Get in, quick!"

"Thank you so much," he panted. "Do you know where he is?"

"Yes, yes." Breaking the speed limit, they arrived at the apartment building in no time. "Do we take the elevator or the stairs?"

"Elevator!" John bit his lip as they ascended. "Dad, I'm scared."

"It's okay, son." As soon as the door opened, John's dad grabbed his wrist and pulled him out. "Which door?"

"That one!" He froze, hearing a blood-curdling scream. "My god, that's Dave!"

"Stand back!" He tried the doorknob. "Locked!"

"YOU'RE A DISGUSTING FAGGOT, DAVE! HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF?! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"THEN DO IT, ASSHOLE! DO IT!"

"I WILL!" More screaming. "IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?! TO RUIN MY LIFE?! THAT'S WHAT YOU FUCKING DID!"

"IT WAS WORTH IT, YOU MONSTER!"

"Stand WAY back." In one fluid motion, John's dad kicked the door right off its hinges. 

"What the fuck?" Dirk ducked as it flew over his head.

"Wait here." He stormed inside, then covered his mouth. "Oh my god."

"Who are you?!" He held out his katana threateningly.

"Your worst nightmare." John's dad got into a fighting stance. "What did you do to that boy?!"

"What he deserved," Bro scowled.

"John, get him and RUN!" he ordered.

"Okay!" John gagged at the sight of the blood all over the floor. "Hold on tight."

"He'll kill you," Dave wheezed. 

"No he won't!" He scooped him up in his arms. "Dad, what do I do?!"

"Take the car and go to the hospital!" John's dad tossed him the keys with one hand while pushing the katana away with the other.

"You're letting me drive?! Thanks!" John let out a choked sob. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'll catch up later." He grunted in pain as he slowly slid backwards. "Now run."

"Dave, are you okay?" He hurried into the elevator, still carrying him.

"No..." Dave winced. It pained him to breathe. "Thanks, man."

"Hey, no problem!" John hurried outside and unlocked the car. "You're safe now, okay?"

"Say that when I'm not bleeding to death." He flipped him off. "Now fucking drive, asshole."

"Never been happier to be called an asshole." He floored it, and they went down the street. "I won't bother you right now, but I just want you to know we're talking about this later."

"That's fair." Dave played with his sleeve nervously. "John?"

"Yeah?" John didn't take his eyes off the road.

"You saved my life, dude." He touched his arm.

"Well, I couldn't live without you, so we're even." He grinned to himself. "I love you." His eyes widened. "Dave? Dave, wake up!"


	3. Reunited...Terms and Conditions May Apply

"You okay?" John stroked his cheek.

"I think so," Dave yawned. "Did I pass out?"

"Yeah, you scared the hell out of me!" He held himself back from punching his head off.

"Fine. How bad is it?" He glanced down at his body.

"Oh." John deflated. "Arm, leg, and ribs are broken. And you have stitches everywhere." 

"Damn." Dave sat up, gasping in pain. "Ow! Where's your dad?"

"I don't know." Tears welled up in his eyes. "I called the police, but I haven't seen him yet. What if he's hurt?"

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault." He put his head in his hands.

"Huh?" John poked his shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"My fault," Dave repeated. "I'm just a stupid, needy, annoying brat who doesn't deserve to exist. People just take pity on me, when in actuality, I'm nothing. I'm weak. The world would be better off if I was never bor-"

Smack.

"How could you?" His hand was still hovering next to his cheek. "How could you say such things?!"

"What do you mean?" He rubbed the handprint left on his face. "I mean...it's true, right?"

"My god, what information has that bastard been feeding you?" John clenched his fists. "He's lying. You're not worthless, and you have people who care. I care." He couldn't help it, tears streamed down onto the sheets.

"John?" Dave reached out with his good arm to wipe his tears away. "Please don't cry because of me, I'm really not worth it. Don't waste your time."

"You dumbass!" He grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. "I love you! I've told you that several times, are you saying you never believed me?! Goddammit, Dave." He dropped his hand. "This whole thing is a mess."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I love you too. I'm really happy, I've never felt so loved before."

"Get used to it, okay?" John leaned over and kissed him. "All your friends love you, your stupid brother is wrong. And you're not disgusting for being gay."

"There's nothing weird about it?" Dave's eyes lit up.

"Dude, there are thousands of gay people. Then again, we're all weird in our own way." He rubbed the back of his head. "I know I'm pretty fucking weird. Hell, I'd go as far as to say I'm a dork."

"Yeah, but you're my dork." He leaned in to kiss him again.

"JOHN!" John's dad burst through the door. "YOU'RE OKAY!"

"DAD!" John pulled away from Dave and launched himself into his arms. "I thought he hurt you!"

"Who said he didn't?" He nodded to his leg, which had Dirk's katana sticking out of it. "Did I interrupt anything?"

"Oh my god, Dad! Why aren't you in a room?!"

"Needed to make sure you were okay first."

"My life is weird." Dave reached for his shades on the table.

"Just get help." John scratched his head. "Did you walk in with that thing still-"

"Yes," John's dad cut him off. "It was kind of hard, but nothing I can't handle."

"Mr. Egbert, you're awesome." Dave sat up again. "He's really hard to beat. By the way, what happened with him?"

He chuckled a bit. "Well..."


	4. Boss Fight

"Dad, what do I do?!"

"Take the car and go to the hospital!" John's dad tossed him the keys with one hand while pushing the katana away with the other.

"You're letting me drive?! Thanks!" John let out a choked sob. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'll catch up later." He grunted in pain as he slowly slid backwards. "Now run."

"Your son is a faggot just like my brother, if you didn't know." Dirk nearly had him against the wall.

"Don't you dare speak of my son like that, you pitiful excuse of a human being." John's dad felt his feet sliding out from underneath him. "Sexuality doesn't matter anyways."

"It's disgusting. You're like him, aren't you?" He yanked his katana free. "Faggots run in the family.

"Shut up." Before either of them could blink, he punched him square in the jaw. "How's that for a faggot?"

"Not bad, really." Dirk already felt the bruise forming, and tasted blood. "But can you last against me?"

"I'll sure as hell try." John's dad grabbed his fist right before it hit him.

"I doubt you can beat me. I've spent YEARS training, using my own personal punching bag." He polished his katana on his shirt, staining it with Dave's blood. "And you have no means of defense. No weapon or anything."

"You're sick." He slowly took off his belt. "No weapon, huh? How's this?"

"You've got to be joking." Dirk rolled his eyes. "Don't make me laugh, there's no way-OW!" He held his wrist in pain. "What the fuck, dude?!"

"You were annoying me, sorry. Oh wait, I'm not." John's dad pretended to blow smoke off it. "So, wanna just wait around until the cops come? Because they are coming. My son definitely called them."

"You think I'm just going to sit back on my ass and let them drag me off? You're sadly mistaken, Mr. Egbert." He pointed his katana at him. "We're nowhere near done. And that first shot was lucky."

"You mean like this?" He punched him right in the eye.

"That all you got?" Dirk didn't even flinch.

"Damn, what even are you?" John's dad didn't flinch either. "Hey, watch me do this cool trick." He struck his cheek with his belt.

"You bastard." A cut slowly began to bleed. "You have such a death wish." He sliced into his shoulder. "Why aren't you screaming?!"

"It's only a flesh wound. And a real father is there to protect his children with his life. Something you never did." He clutched at his shoulder. "But it still hurts." He took his katana by the blade, cutting his hand in the process.

"You're an idiot!" Dirk shouted.

"Am I?" John's dad flipped the katana over, pointing it at him. "You're the one unarmed."

"That doesn't mean I'm out." He kicked his legs out from under him.

"Whoah!" He narrowly missed impaling himself.

"Who's laughing now?" Dirk snatched up the katana. "Don't fuck with me." And he drove the blade right into his leg until it was poking out the back.

"AGH!" John's dad stumbled, catching himself before it could slide in further. "Ow."

"POLICE!" Officers pointing their pistols stormed into the apartment. "DROP YOUR WEAPONS!"

"I can't do that." He pointed to the katana in his leg. "I'm gonna go to the hospital, if that's okay with you."


	5. Battered

**Trigger warning: Self-harm.**

"Dude, you're so fucking badass." Dave lifted up his hand for a high-five.

"I try." John's dad accepted it.

"Oh my god, check into a room already!" John pushed him out the door into a random nurse's arms. "Please help!"

"Thanks, Mr. Egbert!" Dave called after him.

"Dear god, my life is fucked up." He slumped back in.

"Mine is more fucked up." He pointed to himself. "I look like a partial mummy."

"Nah, you look fine. And you bet your ass I'm signing both your casts."

"With my luck, you'll draw dickbutt all over them."

"Thanks for the idea." John rubbed his uninjured arm. "Feel better, okay?"

"Yeah. At least my dominant hand is okay." Dave flexed his fingers. "Bro didn't like that I was a lefty for some reason."

"People still think that? Wow." He seemed to be nervous about something. 

"What's up, man?" He nudged his shoulder.

"I was just thinking...what would you tell everyone at school when they see your casts?" 

"Eh, skateboard accident with Mituna. I can get him to back him up."

"You were always good at persuasion," John nodded.

"Then perhaps I could persuade you to help me out of this stupid hospital gown?" Dave purred. "It's so tight, John. It needs to come off."

"Oh, shut up!" He opened the cabinet and fished a bigger one out. "Here!"

"I'm serious, I do want a new one. Hey, ever hear about that guy on reddit who broke both his arms, so his mom-" A fist was suddenly jammed into his mouth.

"NEVER SPEAK OF THAT!" John removed his fist. "Damn, you WOULD need help to get changed. Alright, I guess I'll do it."

"I changed my mind!" Dave shouted.

"If it's really bugging you, I can help." He began lifting up the blanket and untying the back of his gown.

"John, no!" He tried to grab his wrist. "Please, don't-"

"Dave?" John covered his mouth. "What are these?" He pointed to the red marks on his arm. "And these?" He brushed his fingers over the bruises on his chest. "Did...did your brother do this?"

"Not the scars," Dave whispered. "Everything else? Yeah."

"Dammit, Dave." He shook his head. "As soon as you get out, we're talking about everything."

"No," he said.

"What?" John looked at him.

"No. I don't want to talk about anything." Dave tried to get his gown back on. 

"Come on!" he whined.

"No." He took off his shades. "I mean it."

"Please?" John shot him his puppydog eyes.

"I said NO!" Dave shouted. "I don't want to talk about anything! You lucked out with a great home, a loving guardian, and an awesome life! I didn't have ANY of those things! Just leave me alone!" He pulled the sheet over his head.

"...I'm going to check on my dad." He stood up and walked out, nearly bumping into someone. "Karkat?"

"Where is he?!" Karkat tried to slip in.

"He doesn't want any visitors." He pushed him out of the way and went to find his dad.

"Okay..." He shrugged his shoulders. "Egberts."


	6. Quiet Dignity and Grace

"I just don't know what to do," John groaned, slamming his head on the table. 

"He'll talk about it when he wants to talk about it." Rose rubbed his shoulder. "Don't be upset."

"Too late," he mumbled.

"Rose is right, he's probably still in shock." Jade held up her finger. "In fact, how about none of us question him?"

"Why not?" John lifted his head.

"Let him tell us on his own time! He trusts us, so I know he will eventually!"

"Davey is strong." Roxy drank out of her water bottle (filled with vodka). "He'll talk when he wats...wants to."

"Can't rush these things, Egbert." Jake took a bite of his sandwich. "And furthermore, I-wow, this is good! What did you put in it, Dirk?"

"My love for you," Dirk teased.

"Oh, goodness!" He covered his face. 

"Shy, English?" He pried his hand away.

"Ew." Jane held out a box. "John, want some?"

"No! You know I don't like Gushers!" John made a cross with his fingers. 

"Be grateful, she wants to share!" Roxy poked him with her water bottle. "I'll share too!"

"No thanks." He pushed it away. "I appreciate it, you guys."

"Nothing to it." Jane smirked, sliding a slice of cake over to him. "How about this?"

"KILL IT WITH FIRE!" John roared.

"The fuck is with all your yelling?" Karkat stomped over. "We're trying to eat over here!"

"We have it handled, Karkat! We'll be quieter!" Jade pushed him back to his seat. "No worries!"

"I'm afraid we are back to where we started," Rose mused. "But like we said, do not bother Dave."

"I can't help worrying," John sighed. "I love him, okay?"

"I thought you weren't a homosexual," she smirked.

"Wait, they're dating?! Bollocks!" Jake threw a twenty at Dirk. "Take your bloody money!"

"Thanks." Dirk waved it in his face. "Oh yeah, I bet that you'd get with Dave by the weekend. Guessing it happened yesterday?"

"None of your business," John grumbled.

"Come on, I care about my family. I like you, so I don't have a problem with it." He leaned in and whispered, "I like you better than Vantas."

"I HEARD THAT!"

_Pon pon wei wei wei  
Pon pon wei pon wei pon pon  
Wei wei pon pon pon  
Wei wei pon wei pon wei wei_

Dirk took out his phone. "Sorry, that's my brother." He answered. "Hey, man. Any word on him? Uh huh, okay. Really? Damn. Appear? Witnesses? Shit, alright. Thank you." He hung up.

"What is it?" Jake leaned against him.

"Bro says the bastard was arrested last night, obviously. The trial will be a while from now, and a few of us will probably take the stand as witnesses. I hope I'll be a good help." Dirk coughed slightly. "I mean, you know."

"Good help?" John slowly rose from his seat. 

"What are you talking about, Dirky?" Roxy put her empty bottle away.

"Good help as a witness?" Jane shut her lunchbox.

"What is going on, Dirk?" Rose crossed her arms.

"Yeah." Jade's eyes narrowed.

"I mean..." Dirk cleared his throat. "I may know some info that might be good for the investigation, that's all."

"You knew," Jake spoke up. "Strider, did you know it was happening?"

"What do you mean?" He shrank under his glare. "I-I didn't-"

"You never said anything." John walked over to him. "You knew he was being hurt."

"John, sit down," Rose commanded.

"You sick son of a bitch," he hissed.

Then he punched him in the face.


	7. Warned You About Stairs

"John Egbert, we do not HIT." Mr. Hussie leaned forward.

"I had a good reason," John growled.

"Don't worry about it." Dirk held the ice pack more firmly against his eye. "I deserved it."

"That doesn't give him the right to be violent towards you." The principal sighed to himself. "But if you don't want him to get in trouble, I guess you're free to go."

"Thank you, sir." He winced and staggered to the door.

"You could've gotten me in huge trouble," John spoke up.

"But I didn't." Dirk took his broken anime shades out of his pocket. "Aw, man. You know how many pieces of the lenses got stuck in my face?"

"Sorry," he whispered.

"Again, I deserved it for doing such a shit thing." He smiled weakly. "Want to hear my side?"

"Yeah, I should've done that before hitting you."

"It's simple, really. He asked me not to."

"What?" John skidded to a stop. "Who asked you to not do what?"

"Dave asked me not to tell anyone about what was happening." Dirk grimaced. "I'm sure you've already seen the resemblance between me and his brother."

"Definitely, but what does that have to do with it?" They took a detour.

"One time I tried to high-five him, and he flinched away." He gestured for him to go under the staircase. "Anyone abused would do that, but he did it more violently than someone usually would."

"He thought you were going to hurt him," John murmured.

"I immediately asked what was wrong, but he wouldn't tell me. At first, anyways." Dirk set down the ice pack. "I pushed, and he caved. He told me everything that was going on."

"Then what?" He sat down.

"He burst into tears and backed away from me." He sat next to him. "Thought I would hurt him for crying."

"I hate his brother so much," John hissed.

"I was able to hug him after he let me get near him." Dirk's own eyes filled with tears. "I had to tell him it wasn't his fault and he wasn't pathetic. His brother broke him, John. He hid it so well." He paused for a moment. "Did you see his arms?"

"Yeah, I did. Does he..." He couldn't finish.

"Yes. His brother told him it was an awful way to seek attention and put him down for it. I had never wanted to kill someone more until that moment." He clenched his fists.

"You didn't REALLY, did you?" John grabbed his hands. 

"Yes, I did. It wasn't a heat of the moment thing like with you and me, I wanted to kill him with my bare hands." Dirk frowned. "Unfortunately, my ass would've landed in prison if I did that. So instead I just let him vent."

"What did he say?" He uncurled his fingers.

"I think that's something he should tell you himself when he's ready." He stood up and began to walk away. "Tell him I said hi for me, I'll be at Jake's."


	8. The Story

**Trigger warning: Abuse, self-harm.**

"It's time I tell you what happened. Don't interrupt me with anything while I'm telling you, just wait until I'm done.

"It's been going on for as long as I can remember. I don't know when it started, but it's all I've known. First off, I came into his life without warning. He said I literally fell out of the fucking sky on a meteor.

"Close your mouth, I'm not done. Anyways, he was stuck with a random baby. He didn't know jack shit on how to take care of me, and he called Rose and Roxy's mom a lot for advice. Too bad she wasn't the best guardian either.

"We sparred a lot so I could become the little brother he always wanted. Someone tough and not afraid to get into fights. Maybe for me to fight crime or some shit, I don't fucking know. I got hurt a lot because he was so fast. I could never land a single hit on him.

"Except for this one day. I'm not kidding when I said we did this a lot, we did it every day. I was sick and fucking irritated, so I somehow got the drop on him. I gave him this little scratch on his arm. I thought he'd be proud of me, but he wasn't.

"He grabbed me by the shoulder and started calling me a little bastard and dragged me back to our apartment. He beat the shit out of me until I couldn't move from the floor. I was about seven then.

"He told me to get up and stop being a baby, so I managed to drag myself to my room and get into bed. I cried and cried, listening to him yell at me through the door. He said I was pathetic, and he was ashamed to call me his brother.

"That's the earliest instance I can remember things like that happening, but I know for a fact it had happened before then. I felt like a loser, so I decided to try harder and harder to earn his approval. Or, his love, rather.

"I tried so hard, but it was never good enough for him. I pushed myself until I could barely function anymore. I started cutting when I was thirteen. That's why I wear long sleeves all the time. My arms look awful.

"Shut up, I'm still not done. He found out, and he said I was an attention-seeking bastard. I believed him, but I kept cutting. Deeper and deeper each time, but never enough to kill me. I guess I just wanted to feel something.

"I met Karkat my Freshman year. He didn't have many friends, but he introduced me to them. We both started making more, and even though he was a prick, we clicked. Opposites attract.

"We got together Sophomore year, and my god, did he make me happy. He was the best thing in my life, I loved him so much. He loved me too, and we were inseparable. Everyone knew except for one person. You know who I mean.

"When I told him I had found someone, he was happy for me at first. But after I told him I was gay, he was pissed. He broke my arm. I broke up with Karkat as soon as I got out of the hospital, and we both cried and held each other. We somehow stayed friends.

"And then I met someone with the cutest smile and the dorkiest glasses. So here we are." Tears streamed down Dave's face.


	9. Plush...Clown?

John was speechless. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to form words. He finally settled on one. "Sorry."

"What? Why?" Dave flinched as he kissed away his tears. "John, what's wrong? Sorry for what?"

"Everything. I wish I was there for you, but I was too late." He began sobbing into his shoulder. "I'm such an idiot!"

"No, babe, no," he cooed. "I'm the one who hid it from you, it's not your fault. Anyways, I deserve-"

"NO!" John grabbed his cheeks. "Don't you dare finish that sentence!"

"Why?" Dave cringed at the contact. "It's true, isn't it? I'm a weak disappointment to everyone. I don't deserve you."

"What are you saying?" he whispered.

"I'm breaking up with you," he replied.

"No, that's not how this works." John squeezed his shoulder. "Do you really want to break up with me?"

"Of course not, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me! But I need to so you can find someone you actually deserve!" Dave took off his shades. "Look at me, John. I-"

"No, _you_ look at _me!_ " The fire of the gods blazed in his eyes. "You'd hurt both of us if you do that. I love you, okay? Do you believe me?"

He took a deep breath, then nodded slowly. "You...love me. You love me."

"Yeah!" John cheered.

"You love me," Dave said again. "You love me. You love me!"

"YEAH!" He squeaked and tumbled backwards, finding himself trapped in a tackle-hug. "Dave!"

"John!" he mocked. "I thought you loved me."

"Ack, I do! Your love is suffocating me, though!" John pounded on his back.

"Fucking baby, whaaaah." Dave stuck out his tongue.

"That's it, you're dead!" He pushed him onto his back and pinned his arms over his head. "You shouldn't have done that."

"BEN." He narrowed his eyes. "He drowned."

"You've got to be kidding me. That's so old." John booped his nose. "You're lucky I love you."

"Love you too." Dave giggled as he kissed his cheek. "You're such a dork."

"Yeah? You're a bigger dork, just in disguise. Hiding behind those cool shades of yours." He put them on. "Check it, am I cool now? I feel cool."

"You just look like a dork." He took them back. "You don't mind my eyes?"

"Nah, I think they're awesome. And red is the color of passion. Hey, don't push me!" John pushed back. "I'm gonna get you!"

"No you aren't!" Dave launched himself off the bed and ran out.

"Yeah, run for your life all you want! I'm still gonna getcha!" He weaved around his dad. "Sorry about that!"

"Same!" Dave stopped to shake his hand, then kept running.

"It's okay." John's dad continued mixing his cake batter. "Have fun."

"GONNA GETCHA!" John shoved him into his giant plush harlequin he hated so much. "TASTE MY WRATH!"

"I HATE YOU!" Dave landed back-first into the plush clown. "That wasn't fair."

"All's fair in love and war." He hopped into the harlequin's lap right next to him.

"Sure is." He pecked his lips.


	10. Egbert-Strider Family

"Damn..." John straightened his tie as they walked out of the courtroom. "I can't believe it's over."

"Why'd the bastard only get five years?!" Dave exclaimed. "He ruined my life!"

"Trust me, he would've gotten longer if he killed you." He froze in place. "That didn't help at all."

"It didn't." He squeezed his eyes shut. "John, oh my god, help," he wheezed.

"Fuck!" John dragged him into the family restroom and closed the door. "Breathe, Dave."

"I'm trying," Dave whined.

"Breathe with me, okay?" He held up three fingers and inhaled. "Hold. One, two, three." He lowered them. "Breathe out. One, two, three."

"Thank you," he managed to say after a few moments. 

"No problem." John's face morphed into a frown. "What happens next?"

"I assume we get out of the bathroom," Dave shrugged.

"Not that, doofus. I mean what happens next with you. What's gonna happen? You have no guardian." He clutched at his hair. "They'll put you in a foster home. What if you won’t be able to go to our school anymore? What if you're gonna be moving far away?!"

"Jesus, now you're worrying me!" He let out a frustrated groan. "Let's just stay in here forever." On cue, someone knocked on the door. "Not an option, then."

"YOU FOOL, YOU'VE DISRUPTED THE RITUAL!" John slammed his fist on the sink. "THE DEMONS ARE LOOSE!"

"What the fuck?" Dave covered his mouth.

"So that's the kind of fucked-up shit you guys do when you're alone." Dirk just strolled right in. "Lock's broken, by the way. Don't ask how I know that."

"I'm tempted." Jake popped up behind him. "Why would you know that?"

"Let's just say this is not my first time in this courthouse, babe." He lowered his shades and winked.

"Good golly gosh, I have never wanted you more than I do right now." He wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Aaaaaaaand we out this bitch." Dave strode out, both middle fingers saluting the sky. "Let's continue this somewhere else."

"Wait." A lady stepped in front of them, holding up an I.D. "CPS. You're David Elizabeth Strider, correct?" John snorted in the background.

"Maybe," he grumbled. "Elizabeth...damn you, Bro." 

"You're coming with us." She held out her hand.

"No!" John latched onto his arm. "You can't!"

"I'm not going anywhere," Dave growled.

"If you resist, we will have to use force." The lady began to advance on him.

"You're not taking him from me!" John shouted. "You'll have to get through me first!"

"Young man-"

"Stop." John's dad stepped between them. "That won't be necessary, ma'am. I'd like to become his legal guardian."

"Dad?!" John gasped.

"I...see." The lady nodded once. "I suppose we should begin the adoption process."

"Sounds good." He winked at Dave. "Welcome to the family."

"Th-thank you," Dave stuttered.

"I love you so much," John sobbed, burying his face in his shoulder.

"I know." He pulled him against his chest. "Thank you."

"It's nothing," he sniffled, a smile creeping across his face.

"Ah." Karkat came out the bathroom with a satisfied expression. "Fuck, we were in there for a long time. Guys?" His eyes darted around. "What did I miss? Why is everyone crying?" Realizing he wouldn't get an answer, he stalked out of the building. "I'll never understand people."

**THE END**


End file.
